


Sequence of Events (and it all adds up to this)

by Its_Icecream_BB



Series: Big Boys Don't Cry, But Men Sure Do [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: ALERT THIS WAS NOT BETA READ, BAMF Peter Parker, Ben is morally ambiguous, Depends on your personal views on the topic, Gen, Good Ben Parker, Gun Violence, Hurt Peter Parker, Ideology, Minor Character Death, Moral Dilemmas, Morally Ambiguous Character, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Philosophy, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs Sleep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:03:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29590440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Its_Icecream_BB/pseuds/Its_Icecream_BB
Summary: Peter's held a gun before.This time he's not afraid to shoot.
Relationships: Ben Parker & May Parker (Spider-Man), Ben Parker & Peter Parker, May Parker & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Big Boys Don't Cry, But Men Sure Do [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1248281
Comments: 3
Kudos: 77





	Sequence of Events (and it all adds up to this)

**Author's Note:**

> ( I would love for writers to pick up this prompt I found while reading a story from Emily_F6. I can't recall which fic it was from, but the moral dilemma for Peter having to equip himself with a gun for self defense seemed intriguing. I wanted to make it more so Peter having to choose between shooting someone or Tony being killed, but I don't know what really happened here oof)

_“ Listen Pete, it's okay to be scared. Heck, sometimes I get scared.”_

_His Uncle Ben placed a hand on Peter’s shoulder, his other hand placed on top of Peter’s who was currently holding a pistol. Peter sniffled a bit, but was surprised to hear that his Uncle could ever be scared. They were standing in the middle of the woods near a cabin that belong to a friend of his Uncle. May had agreed that Ben and Peter should go on the trip, even if she seemed hesitant._

_“ Really?” Peter looked up to Ben’s face which held a weak smile._

_“ Yeah kiddo. Sometimes, I get scared. But you know what I learned?” Peter shook his head, eager to hear the sage of wisdom from his Uncle._

_“ Your fears don’t always wait for you to get brave. There are times, when you have only a split second to decide whether your fears beat you, or you beat it.” His Uncle Ben’s eyes looked distant._

_“ Is that why you’re teaching me how to use a gun? I thought it was ‘cause ‘it’s protocol May’.” Ben laughed, glad Peter seemed to be less scared than before._

_“ You heard that conversation I had with your Aunt huh?” Peter nodded his head with intensity._

_“ That’s part of it, I want you to understand the kind of responsibility that comes behind a weapon like this. You know what it is and isn’t right?” Peter nodded solemnly._

_“ It’s not a toy, and it’s only used in extreme cases for self protection!” Ben smiled softly._

_“ Someone’s been listening.”_

_“ I always listen!” Peter retorted. Ben chuckled softly, now turning his attention to the gun they both held pointing at a target. Just as if a switch turned on, Peter breaths started to grow rapid and unsteady._

_“ Here Pete, the best way to do this, is to take a deep breath and not think about anything else. When you shoot this gun, what are you trying to do?” Peter took a deep breath upon his Uncle’s suggestion and replied._

_“ Protect myself.” Ben felt as Peter’s breaths became less forced, his heart rate slowing down to a more normal beat._

_“ And what are you trying to do to the target?” Peter’s gripped slightly tighten._

_“ Immobilize it.”_

  
\------

  
Peter always knew that he would never not be okay.

Yet, in this very moment, he felt like whatever higher power was out there, made him just for the sake of morbid amusement.

The week started out nice. Well, as nice as it could have gone. His finals were a pain in the ass, so the loss of sleep was inevitable. But apparently that didn’t justify the reason why he fell 30 feet after miss calculating a swing. He said it had nothing to do with his late night-barely making curfew- patrolling. But, apparently, that also didn’t justify getting shot twice in the chest, just barely nicking his heart. It didn’t matter whether or not Peter had very justifiable reasons for his mishaps, it all ended the exact way Peter had hoped it wouldn’t have ended.

So, yeah, he might have been told he was grounded for a week, which was called for- sort of. But, it wasn’t his fault he happened to walk in on a robbery, completely oblivious about what was going on up until he made it to the cash register despite his six sense. Which was technically MJ’s fault for giving him that very immersive audio book, he had to read for a project.

At this point, none of that really mattered. Shifting the blame on whatever was causing these extremely coincidental sequences of events to unfold on anything else but himself was better for his psyche. Which is what he told himself, of course, up until this point. He was in the med bay for the second time that week. The bullet hadn’t gone too deep, so luckily Dr. Cho didn’t need to visit.

“ I can’t believe it. Only you kid, only you would find a way to get shot 3 times in one week.” Mr. Stark looked more tired than Peter could ever. He wondered if it had anything to do with the almost pardon rogue avengers.

“ I promise I wasn’t going for a record if it makes you feel any better.” Peter tried to lighten up the mood. God knows they both needed it. Mr. Stark more so than himself.

Mr. Stark looked at him with a furrowed eyebrows, making Peter turn his head, unable to handle the intense scrutiny.

“ Kid, please don’t make me say something I’ll regret.” 

Peter quickly replied, still not looking his way. “ Yeah, sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” He looked to the IV that was running the pain meds into his arm. He felt only slightly embarrassed, maybe more so than usual. It wasn’t like he didn’t feel comfortable with Mr. Stark here, it was just.. He didn’t want to catch the man’s attention in this way. Ever.

It's been several months since the vulture, and almost a year since Germany. That in itself didn’t make much of a difference, but, Mr. Stark had vowed to become the mentor that Peter very much needed. Peter was honestly okay with whatever Mr. Stark offered, he would never admit it out loud, but he was always impressed by anything Mr. Stark did. Even if that involved helping him put out a fire from an omelet he had attempted to make for the both of them. Even with all the time Mr. Stark had made for him, even with all the milestones he made with the man, he always had an impending fear that the man would start to get tired of him. Deep down, Peter knew what had made the man so busy to the point of nearly no contact for a month. Mr. Stark was dealing with the rogues, dealing with the pardons, dealing with the accords. Shit, he feels bad about getting shot and not listening to a damn thing both May and Mr. Stark had grilled him about.

He heard a sigh leave the man’s mouth. Peter was ready for the long winded, essay long, list of reasons he should be more careful, that fortunately never came. The ringing of a phone allowed Peter to thank, even if it was for a second, whichever god decided to go easy on him in that moment. He watched as Mr. Stark promised he’d be back just before leaving the room to answer the phone. He watched until the door shut closed behind Mr. Stark. He thought for a bit about using this time to study, or maybe even rest, until Friday’s voice came in from the above.

“ Boss said he had to leave somewhere urgently, he asks you to please rest, and to not do anything stupid.” Peter smirked a bit before frowning. He’d ask Friday why, but felt whatever Mr. Stark had going on wasn’t any of his business. Peter laid on the hospital bed, stilled, nearly forgetting about the bullet wound in his stomach. He didn’t know why, but it all ended up with him thinking about Ben.

Soon enough, Peter felt himself slowly slip into sleep, the beeping of the heart monitor fading in the distance.

Soon enough, Peter felt himself leaping off his bed, ripping out his IV to the sound of the panic alarm that ran through the ceiling.

Moving by sheer force of fight or flight Peter quickly ran out his room, heading in no particular direction. By the time he’s fully awake and aware, Peter realizes he’s in a lab, specifically, a lab once belonging to Dr. Banner. Peter had no clue how he ended there, but he felt his spidey sense kick into full drive. He ran to a workbench to hide behind. He was terrified. He didn’t know why, but all his senses were dialed to 11, and he was terrified. Barely a second later, the panic alarm stops. Peter doesn’t know why, but he feels his heart drop to his toes. 

“All alarms and restricted areas have been disabled. Free-roam is now authorized.”

His ears are ringing at this point. He’s still trying to fully understand where he’s at and why. Fully understand what had led him here. Why the panic alarm went off. Why in the hell he was terrified beyond belief. He shifts into a more comfortable sitting position, slightly lifting his shirt to see the dark red spot slowly growing against his bandages. Robbery- bullet wound- Mr. Stark’s promise- urgent. He had slowly remembered why he was there. He felt himself calmed, if only a tiny bit. He still felt way out of his depth, unable to comprehend still why the hell Friday’s panic alarm went off nearly scaring the piss out of him.

“Psst.. Friday? You still there?” Peter waited for a response.

“ I am currently still active Peter. Unfortunately all my security protocols have been deactivated, and are currently undergoing a factory reset.” Peter gave himself mental whiplash.

“ Factory reset?! What the what?! No, Friday, you aren’t, you- what?!” Peter could barely comprehend what was going on.

“ There are unwelcome guests in where boss keeps the system servers attempting to override security protocols on protected files.” Friday explains.

Peter understood at that moment what was going. There were intruders currently trying to hack Friday’s servers for information they had no business touching. He stood up slowly, knowing what needed to be done.

“Are you able to pull up system files on anything here Fri?” Peter makes his way over to the holotable.

“ No, I can only be accessed through the server room.” Friday replied, sounding perturbed. Peter headed to the door.

“ What are you planning on doing Peter?” Friday spoke concerningly.

“ I’m going to the server room.” Peter replied.

“ Be careful, I cannot assist you beyond this room.”

Peter didn’t reply as he opened the door to leave the room.

He walked towards the elevator, heading to the lower levels of the compound. He had wondered why he didn’t seem to have bumped into anyone.

The why was answered once the elevator door had opened.

Right off the bat, there were three. Then two, then another three. Lifeless bodies. These were employees. Not just employees, but also some Shield agents in hiding. Something he had only learned once he had started visiting the compound more often. He clenched his fist tightly, breaking the skin of his palms. He kept his head forward, not wanting to look at the bodies that littered the ground.

“ It was made by Tony Stark, of course it was going to be difficult. We said that in the beginning, I'm sure that was clear from the get go.”

“ Yes but sir-”

Peter could hear the voices from the distance. He could hear the breathing of less than at least 20 men. Not all of them in the room he was trying to get to, but close enough for him to be wary about his choices. He exhaled a deep breath and thought back to a conversation he remembered having with Mr. Stark.

_“ No matter what you do not, unless your life is threatened, ever, and I mean ever, give up your identity. At least not until after you graduate from college. Ah, hand me that wrench.” They both were talking about worst case scenarios while Peter ‘helped’ assist Mr. Stark with his Iron Man armor._

_“ Well, I don’t think I would ever want to purposely give up my identity Mr. Stark, here.” He handed over the wrench._

_“ I don’t know if you recall kid, but weren’t you the one that got caught on the ceiling of your own bedroom by your best friend Ted? Hey hold this for a second.” He gave a tiny screwdriver to Peter as Peter huffed._

_“ That was by accident, and It’s Ned”_

_“ A Lot of things start as an accident, doesn't stop them from happening.” Tony extended his hand out for the screwdriver. Peter rolled his eyes, reaching for a protein bar left on the bench by Ms. Potts and handed it to him. It took a second for Tony to realize, but when he did he squinted at Peter._

_“ I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that wasn’t an accident.”_

_“ It’s gonna look like one when Ms. Potts finds out we skipped out on lunch.”_

_Mr. Stark laughed and asked Friday to order in some Thai._

Peter didn’t think his situation was life or death. But it was for those people he had walked passed, now lifeless bodies on ground. He wasn’t cornered into a wall, and he definitely had the upper hand in the situation. But those people didn’t. He was part mutant for one, and two, he knew the inner workings for all the vents in the area. Something he’s kept a secret, because he just knows Mr. Stark would never let him hear the end of it if he found out about his odd fascination for those kinds of places due to his weird spider side. He was just trying to forget the bodies.

Peter heads for a vent and crawls until he makes it a few rooms down. At least two men were in the room searching through some of the equipment laying around. Upon closer inspection, he could make out a few guns, some widow bites, and a few prototypes for Thor’s belt. Peter grit his teeth, the men had a duffle bag, they were planning on stealing some of it. These men, the men that didn’t give two shits about the people they killed. Once he knew the men were fully distracted by their findings as they talked among themselves, Peter looked over to what looked like a mimicry of Captain America’s shield. All at once he knocked open the vent, and jumped down, quickly dashing over to grab the shield and a gun before skidding across the table that was next to the men in an attempt to hide behind it. 

The men were startled, so their reaction times were way off, giving Peter enough time to throw them off once again by standing up and throwing the gun at the head of one of the men. The man fell in an instant, causing Peter to wince. He hoped that it didn't look suspicious. The other man had already aimed his gun ready to shoot, but Peter had been quicker, throwing the titanium made shield at the man’s head effectively knocking him out.

Peter was quick to go to the men’s bodies, hopefully to find something, anything about them. The men were in typical police gear, more so SWAT uniform rather than the average police wear. Upon taking off one of the men’s helmets, he caught an image on his neck.

_“ If you ever see that, turn the other way.”_

_“ Why? What if I don’t get a choice?”_

_“ I swear to God kid, just call me, please.”_

It was a Hydra brand on the man’s neck. Peter shook himself out of his stupor and grabbed one of the men in search for any sort of secretly placed hidden weapon. When he found nothing, he wrapped the men together using the iron pipes from one of the storage units and sat them up against the storage shelf. Already, Peter’s finger’s started to feel cold. He lifted his shirt only to see that his entire bandage was soaked in blood. He thought this wasn’t the worst thing that’s happened to him, so he tried to brush it off. But simultaneously the painkillers he had been on were starting to wear off. He could feel the pull in his stomach, but knew he had to push that feeling away. 

Subconsciously, he looked at the table that held a few guns. He slowly but surely reached out for one. He checked to see that it was loaded, and made sure the safety was off.

_“ Remember Pete, when you hold a gun, and you point that gun at someone, you are already prepared to take that person’s life.”_

Peter felt his heart pick up.

_“ It doesn’t matter whether that person is a man, a woman, an adult, or even a child. You don’t get to choose your target. Society does that for you.”_

He took several deep breaths.

_“ And that sounds awful. God, I know it does Peter. I hope you’ll never have to face that choice. I hope you never have to choose.”_

Peter felt his heart slow, he could hear a few men.

_“ But you will always have a choice.”_

The men had yelled for him to come out.

_“ It all depends on what you choose.”_

As soon as the door bursts open Peter flipped behind the table where two of the men’s bodies laid, holding the shield to protect himself. Immediately the men at the door sprayed bullets, not worried about hitting their teammates. Peter blinked away from the bodies as one of the stray bullets hit the man right in-between the eyes. He waited until the onslaught stopped. And for a brief moment it did, that is, until Peter stood up. 

Immediately two bullets left his barrel, both aim straight through the chest knocking the men back. But Peter knew better than that. He walked closer to the bodies and shot at them twice again. The effects were immediate. Peter didn’t stay to look at the blood that had started to pool from under their bodies. If he did, he would have saw Ben lying there instead.

The shooting was heard throughout the vicinity. Peter’s senses told him that much as he felt more bullets coming his way. Effectively hiding behind the shield, Peter took the advantage as one of the men backed away to reload. Using this chance, he sticks his arm out, one bullet hitting one of the intruder’s legs causing him to fall. The other went straight through the second intruder's stomach. With both trying to regain their balance, Peter didn’t hesitate to shoot the third in the chest. He only had 8 bullets left in the chamber. 

_“ But, and Peter, please, please remember this.”_

Even with the pain in his side coming back in full force, Peter is numb.

_“ No matter what-”_

Peter finally made it to the server room.

_“ A life taken, is a life taken.”_

He kicked open the door.

_“ You have to be ready for when it's all over and time for you to go home.”_

The bullets were tunneled his way, avoiding the racks holding the server units. 6 men, one presumably the leader. 

_“ Understand that taking their life is a choice.”_

Peter quickly jumped behind the racks. Knowing that the men wouldn’t be so reckless as to continue shooting their semi-automatics at him near the equipment.

_“ Something you must choose.”_

Peter always knew that he would never not be okay.

Even as he pointed the gun to the leader’s head, who was currently bleeding out from the wound in his arm, his mind was blank, anxiety quiet, senses muted, vision blurred.

Even when he sees his Uncle on the ground, blood pooling all around.

Not a murderer, willing to kill innocent bystanders for the sake of an ideology.

He sees a man, bleeding to death because of him.

His vision goes black.

  
_“ When you hold a gun, you have to be ready to shoot. Even if it might kill.”_

_“ But what if I don’t want to kill?”_

_“ You don’t have control over the path the bullet takes.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Personally I don't believe that a thing could be labeled good or bad. It's hard to understand, and I can't ask anyone to do such a thing. I've seen things, live things, heard things. But up until this point, I realized it's up to me where I take it. It's up to me on how I deal with it. How I react. I don't expect anyone to understand or sympathize. Just know, that no matter what, you have a choice. I wish someone told me this along time ago. Maybe someone will read this and realize.
> 
> thank you for reading!


End file.
